Coaching, Development
Early this morning I found myself in Shotover Park just outside Oxford to be interviewed about wildlife and wellbeing. My interviewer, radio presenter Stuart Mabbutt, invited me onto his radio show Going Wild With Wildlife to chat about how the seasons affect my work and business.
Seasons influencing my coaching and mentoring business you might ask. Really?
There is no question that the season we live in makes a huge impact on how we feel. The weather matters a great deal to us, and that’s not just to complain about it! Our social calendar is heavily influenced by the time of year too. We brighten up our long, dark nights of autumn with celebrations like Halloween and Guy Fawkes, and we ring in the New Year on one of the shortest days of winter with great displays of fireworks. They get us out and about in the dark, and make us feel better for it.
The link between wildlife and our wellbeing
How we feel influences our behaviour, judgment and decision making, so yes, the seasons make a difference in my work. Stuart’s question made me think about our relationship with wildlife and nature.
As we walked into Shotover Park, Stuart almost apologetically said there would be noise from the nearby M40 in the interview. I had not noticed the noise because I was busy listening to the birds, which were out in numbers in the early morning sun. Stuart informed me we were listening to a robin a few trees away. The sun lit up the golden grass as we picked our way to a spot near our little robin so we could capture some of its gorgeous song in the background.
Five ways to wellbeing
A comprehensive report on the benefits of different forms of ecotherapy by the charity Mind defines wellbeing as a positive physical, social and mental state. The report lists five, evidence-based ways to wellbeing:
- connecting with others and the world around you
- being active for better physical health
- taking notice of what is happening in the present
- giving your time and help to others activates the reward areas of the brain
- keep learning to increase self-esteem and resilience
Connecting with nature can do all of the above.
‘Ecotherapy’ refers to nature-based, facilitated interventions aimed at improving mental wellbeing. Such interventions can range from nature walks to conservation projects and animal-assisted interventions. They are different from nature-based activities for a general public in that they are specifically aimed to meet certain objectives, such as alleviating depression or overcoming social anxiety.
The report is really worth a read. Here are some of my personal highlights:
- significant increases in perceived positivity were recorded by participants during the projects included in the study
- 55% of participants reported increases in self-esteem and 76% reported an improvement in mood after a single ecotherapy session
- more than 60% reported feeling more of a connection with nature
- many participants also learned more eco-friendly behaviours and had adopted healthier lifestyles
Cutting out the noise
As our interview progressed, we were interrupted by a helicoptre, which was too loud to ignore. No matter: we simply restarted the interview.
There were joggers throwing us curious glances in passing. We waved at them, and they waved back. A mature student from a local college stopped for a chat after spotting us. He usually walked from Littleworth to Oxford for his classes because the walks were a great way to start his day of learning.
We watched a dog or two sniff around the tripod as we were recording the show, mindful that no-one would cock their leg. We discussed the smell of cow pats in the morning, and whether or not horses are simply very large rabbits with two passing park wardens. The jury is still out on that last one.
No-one seemed to notice the M40.
Coaching, Development, Leadership, Strengths
Coaching clients sometimes ask me to recommend books or articles for them to deepen their learning and exploration triggered by our coaching sessions.
Books and other good reads for coaching clients
Here are some of the reads I’ve recently recommended to coaching clients.
Counselling for Toads, by Robert de Board (1998)
The title of this book always needs explaining. Coaching is not counselling, as coaches will ensure they convey clearly to their clients, so this choice might seem a little odd.
I recommended this particular book to a client the other day after our session turned to Transactional Analysis, and the client was interested to understand the theory better. Counselling for Toads is a lovely tale based on the much-loved book The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. It takes the reader through the basics of Transactional Analysis by tellling Toad’s story of mental turmoil and self-discovery.
Changing on the Job, by Jennifer Garvey Berger (2012)
Coach and academic researcher Berger bridges the gap between adult development theory and coaching theory with this very accessible book. Its subtitle, Developing Leaders for a Complex World explains the focus of this particular book.
The reason I have recommended this book to some of my clients is that many of them come to coaching to develop and expand their leadership, and often overlook a key aspect of leadership: the leader’s mental complexity must be a good match for the demands of their role. Discovering where this is and isn’t the case – and this can be uncovered with some precision in coaching sessions – can be the catalyst for real and lasting development.
Co-active coaching by Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Philip Sandahl and Laura Whitworth (1998)
This has to be one of the best books for managers and leaders with a genuine interest in developing their own coaching skills further, and so I’ve recommended this book to coaching clients more than once.
The Co-active Coaching model sets out clear roles for coach and coachee, which is especially useful for managers whose style tends to be more directive. The book provides understandable tools and techniques to use which help the coach-manager ‘stay’ in their role as coach and gain the active involvement of the report they are working with.
In the hands of the right manager at the right time this book has the potential to live up to its subtitle: Changing Business, Changing Lives.
The Inner Game of Work – W. Timothy Gallwey (2001)
A book with real value for people who know they are in the right job in the right place, and at the same time find it hard to be motivated at work. It takes the reader through steps and techniques to uncover what it was that led them into the role or profession in the first place, and re-connect with the beliefs and values where this connection has somehow been lost over time.
As the subtitle suggests, Gallwey’s aim is to bring back Focus, Learning, Pleasure and Mobility in the Workplace.
Fish! by Hary Paul, Stephen C Lundin, and John Christensen (1998)
Now this book was devoured by everyone in a high-performing team I was once part of when a high-profile deadline was looming and key stakeholders were actively resisting the changes we were designing. Apart from cheering us up with its amusing take on work, there were some exceptionally useful lessons to be learned about how despite our commitment we were undermining ourselves in certain situations through our own mindset and behaviour.
It’s a book I recommend to the leader who feels they are up against a demotivated team, and who knows they are right to insist the team should be the opposite. A real selling point is also that this book is a quick and entertaining read for the harried manager who is interested in finding A Remarkable Way to boost Morale and Improve Results.
Psyblog by Jeremy Dean
No list of books and good reads for coaching clients would be complete without a mention of a blog of course.
Psyblog by Dr Jeremy Dean is the one blog I follow which I have recommended to a client, who was interested in psychology and wanted to have understandable, applicable ‘translations’ of the latest scientfic insights into the mind. Dean is also the author of the book Making Habits, Breaking Habits, for those who prefer to get stuck in with a ‘proper’ book instead.
Engagement, Marketing, Social media
Yesterday I was talking to a very talented, in-demand wedding photographer. She brims with creative energy, has a gorgeous website loaded with beautiful wedding photographs and an enviable order book. Looking at her website will make even the biggest pessimist want to get hitched tout de suite.
Then she made a confession with a slightly guilty look in her eyes:
I don’t really do anything with LinkedIn anymore. It’s all I can do to keep Facebook going, really.
Then she shot a glance around the table as if to see whether anyone was going to react with shock or disapproval.
Here are some of the things I share with my mentoring clients when social media come into the picture.
Why ‘doing’ social media can be counter-productive
A social media presence is not compulsory
Don’t believe all of the hype. Especially if you are tying yourself in knots trying to decide what you should do, and this starts to distract you from your business goals.
People have successfully built and expanded businesses for centuries before Twitter et al. came along. Just saying.
Start by matching your social media choices to your confidence
Social media have only been around for give or take a decade (not counting papyrus rolls, that is). As a result of the emergence of new and potential engagement channels, the social media landscape is constantly changing and developing.
Many consultancies have started to become very profitable by contributing to this innovation. They are out to prove a point, and are genuinely excited about social media, as you can imagine. Quite a few pump advice into the blogosphere which can be frankly intimidating for the uninitiated.
For new entrants onto the social media scene this can be bewildering. My advice to nervous newbies always is to do this in steps, and if it helps, stay close to what you know to begin with. Build your confidence from there.
Find out where your target audience hangs out and meet them there
Going back to my photographer friend: where do people share their wedding photos? Facebook, you betcha. For her, Facebook is also a great place to ask the question, ‘where else do you expect to find me?’. The answer is less likely to include LinkedIn than it isFlickr or Pinterest, but she will not know until she asks the question.
Write your own social media rule book
It’s OK to learn on the job here. There are some golden rules to help you avoid costly learning. Cherry pick your ‘experts’ and stick to those whose advice stretches your understanding, but doesn’t require Google Translate to make sense of it. The expert advice will always be on tap for you: go find it when you need more.
First let’s get going and get some learning done about what does and doesn’t work for your business on social media.
Hold on to your chosen social media mantra
This is not a paper exercise. Use it as a measure to make sure what you do on social media is in line with your business goals and values. If one of your key ingredients is missing, don’t do it.
For example this one to help decide where on social media to be active:
Find your audience, find your voice, engage in the conversation.
This mantra reminds you to do your market research, match your messages to the platform (see 3) and not just tell your story, but to listen to theirs first.
What it boils down to…
Using social media has to be a help to you, not a worry.
Now I look forward to hearing some tales of your own. What great insight you learned yourself would you add to the above?
Coaching
You have decided you’d like to start working with a coach, and it’s all new to you. It is not at all strange to wonder about the ‘etiquette’ of working with your coach. Here are some client questions.
What ‘coaching etiquette’ should I observe?
Coaching etiquette for clients and coaches is all about trust.
Keep your appointments
Your coach is someone whose day will not go well if a coaching client simply does not show up, or has a habit of rearranging at short notice for unclear reasons. The coach loses more time than the actual session itself, because they will have spent time preparing for your session beforehand, travelling to meet you, etc. Rearranging a session as a precaution isn’t a bad idea when in doubt.
Tip: Discuss your coach’s cancellation policy before starting your sessions. Expect your coach to invoice you for the session if you did not cancel or rearrange in time.
Arrive on time – physically and mentally
Arriving on time shows commitment to your coach, and more importantly to your sessions. Arriving mentally prepared shows that you are ready to make the most of your time with the coach – and yourself! Being ‘present’ in your sessions is the one requirement you (and your coach) cannot do without.
Tip: It is not at all uncommon for clients to arrive feeling rushed and needing to switch into a different ‘mode’ at the start of a session. Do talk about this if it helps, it’s a great way to get going!
Do what you say you are going to do
This too is linked to commitment, and it’s not simply a matter of etiquette to do your homework between sessions.
Doing what you say you are going to do also tells your coach about your resilience, tenacity and creativity in the face of a task. They are interested in this also because they know that your coaching will come to an end one day, and that you will need all of the above after you part ways.
Tip: if your coach challenges you about something you didn’t get around to doing, they do so to help you figure out what’s holding you back. They don’t do so to make you feel guilty – in fact, the only person who can make you feel guilt over anything, is you…
What etiquette can I expect my coach to observe?
A coach too is expected to be mindful of coaching etiquette. They have obligations towards you as their client which you can hold them to.
Keeping appointments and being organised
How would you trust a coach who forgets appointments, has the wrong time in their diaries, or shows up in the wrong location? Pull up a coach who does any of the above, especially if that coach happens to be me! You need to be uppermost on their mind when it comes to your sessions.
Being present and available
This goes beyond etiquette. An absent-minded coach isn’t going to be giving their best to the client, and you’ll rumble them sooner or later. A good coach will scale back on coaching when they know their own personal and professional life is drowning out their capacity to be present for their client.
Keeping their counsel
Etiquette and ethics demand that the focus of sessions doesn’t shift to the coach, and remains entirely with you. Professional standards demand that the coach remains aware of their own limitations.
How would you feel about a coach who readily volunteers their own opinion on what you should do? The true value of coaching is that you remain fully in charge of decisions you make as a result of discoveries you make through your coaching sessions.
A bit about professional standards
Coaching is a fast-growing profession attracting people from a vast range of backgrounds. It is an unregulated profession, meaning no licence, certificate or registration is needed in order to practise as a coach.
Professional coaching bodies set professional standards which their members are expected to adhere to. They include the Association for Coaching and the International Coach Federation and the European Mentoring and Coaching Council. The latter has a Code of Ethics and a Competence Framework, which are well worth reading ahead of meeting your coach for the first time.
No professional coach will be offended when you ask about their credentials, which professional body they belong to and to which Code of Practice they subscribe.
Development
There are times in the calendar which call for some meaningful procrastination. The summer lull, the Christmas-to-New Year bridge when everybody seems to be on holiday but you: the time of year when we tackle saved-up jobs and get a little bored in between.
If you feel the need for justification, check out this research, which found that some online bumming about can make you more productive. And if cat videos on YouTube are not your thing, TED Talks are your best friend.
The very first TED conference was held in 1984, with talks about the first eBook and on 3D graphics from LucasFilm. There are over 1,700 TED Talks to watch online and counting, and some will turn out in time to be as prescient as the ones mentioned above.
3 things TED Talks are excellent for
Number 1: Admire
This famous talk is an astonishing example of human resilience. Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor describes the experience of having a stroke:
The next thing my brain says to me is, “Wow! This is so cool. This is so cool! How many brain scientists have the opportunity to study their own brain from the inside out?”
[ted id=229]
Number 2: Inspire
Orchestra conductor Benjamin Zander explains through music one of the key principles of leadership:
It’s not about wealth and fame and power.
It’s about how many shining eyes I have around me.
[ted id=286]
Number 3: Raise your ire
Ruby Wax uses her TED Talk to warn that the stigma of mental illness is a serious threat to the survival of our species:
How come every other organ in your body can get sick and you get sympathy, except the brain?
[ted id=1584]
Bonus: keep the perspective
Jargon, it’s fair to say, is a pet peeve of mine. So here’s one of my favourite TED Talks making excellent fun of people spouting nonsense to cover up that they haven’t a clue what they’re on about, and audiences being a willing accomplice:
[ted id=1458]
Over to you: what’s the TED Talk you tell other people about?